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Letters to the EditorLETTERS TO THE EDITORDear Sirs
So, today I was walking through the graveyard when I saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. I said, “Morning,” and he said, “No, taking a dump.”
Sincerely
Resurrection Mary
Willowbrook
Dear Sirs:
Wikka wikka wikka.
Sincerely
Pogoing Peter
The DJ
Dear Sirs
If you like it then you should have put a ding on it.
Yours truly
The car parked next to yours
A crowded lot at the mall
Sirs
I take offense to the previous correspondence from Pogoing Peter. That is not my name.
Sincerely
Bouncing Bobby
The DJ
PS: Wikka wikka wikka.
Dear Sirs
Last year, two really hot lesbians moved in next door to me. Yesterday, they gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said, “I wanna watch.”
Sincerely
Joe the Voyeur
Bristol
Dear Sirs
I am the luckiest unfunny untalented guy in the whole damn world, and I’d just like to say, “Thank you! Thank you very much!”
Sincerely
Conan O’Brien
Touring right now to squeeze the last couple bucks out of this debacle
Dear Sirs
Me too.
Sincerely
Jay Leno
Damage Control, CA
Dear Sirs
Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out of here! We don’t serve your type in here.”
Sincerely
Shecky
The Catskills
Dear Sirs
I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night. That tonight’s gonna be a good night. That tonight’s gonna be a good good night. I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night. That tonight’s gonna be a good night. That tonight’s gonna be a good good night. Tonight’s the night night. Let’s live it up. I got my money. Let’s spend it up. Go out and smash it, like, Oh My God. Jump off that sofa. Let’s get get OFF. I know that we’ll have a ball if we get down and go out and just lose it all. I feel stressed out. I wanna let it go. Let’s go way out spaced out and losing all control. Fill up my cup. Mazel tov. Look at her dancing. Just take it off. Let’s paint the town. We’ll shut it down. Let’s burn the roof and then we’ll do it again. Let’s do it. Let’s do it. Let’s do it. Let’s do it. Let’s do it. Let’s do it. Let’s do it. Let’s do it. Let’s do it and live it up.
Sincerely
Will.I.Am
Fergilicious, PA
Dear Sirs
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry. We don’t serve food in here.”
Sincerely
Shecky, again
The Catskills
Dear Sirs
The Chicago Diocese settled out of court with six abuse victims for a reported $3.9 million. Man, somebody must have seen them coming.
Sincerely
Joe the Voyeur again
Bristol
Dear Sirs
Jasfhk vjvsd ggreiheg ldlkdjfdfb hrhproth doweuyw sdlksjdf fdlkjdgfg ergtergeglkjdf!
Sincerely
Bret Michaels
Dear Sirs
A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "High balls are on me!"
Sincerely
Shecky, again
The Catskills
Dear Sirs
Please come back. I miss you. I promise to be everything you hoped I’d be. It tears me apart to see you with that new slut. I want to scratch her eyes out! She doesn’t deserve you. For God’s sake, please come back. I don’t think I can live much longer without you.
love,
MySpace.com
From the deleted bookmarks folder
Dear Sirs
Well, THAT was awkward. Let’s play some Farmville!
love ya bunches!
Facebook
On your phone AND your homepage, too!
Dear Sirs
Contained herewith you will find our invitation to associate your internet presence with our organization. Your participation is subject to a most rigorous scrutiny, so please complete our 47 step profile.
We will judge you.
Regards.
LinkedIn
We’re not “Big Brother”
Dear Sirs
No, but we are!
Sincerely,
Google
PS: Screw China!
Dear Sirs
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"
Sincerely
Shecky, again
The Catskills
Dear Sirs
Rah rah ah-ah-ah!?Ro mah ro-mah-mah?Gaga Ooh-la-la!
Sincerely
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta
I think, anyway
Dear Sirs
A woman goes into a bar and asks for a "double entendre". So the bartender gave her one.
Yours truly,
Shecky signing off
The Catskills
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